Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
