I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
