I love having hate sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
