I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
dude. I can hear the air.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
