bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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