So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
