so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
