Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
