You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
