now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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