:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
