Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So here I am, sexting at work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
