If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
