I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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