I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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