Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
