very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
