dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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