i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
