Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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