dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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