omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
