My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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