i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
