I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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