I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
