I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
