Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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