ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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