Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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