Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
