I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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