have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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