you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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