Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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