6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
