one word: firstdatebathroomanal
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
