garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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