i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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