Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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