9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
