I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
