Plan B is the new Plan A
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
