I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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