Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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