i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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