saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
