Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
