Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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