matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
