drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize